Image taken by Papa Andy Chia, capturing Dodo & Rhea's first connection.
I had taken a little break from this project as I tied the loose ends of other projects. But more so because Baby Rhea arrived a week earlier, officially making me a mother, again.
I was due for an elective caesarean but ended up with an emergency c-sect plus a false alarm over Singapore’s national day weekend. Baby Rhea eventually gave us her first hello on 11 August.
As much as every pregnancy is different, with the birth of each child comes the birth of a new mother. It didn’t matter that I had Dodo before. I had to learn how to be a mother again, because this time I were to be a mother to 2 young beings who are dependent and attached to me, requiring me to be present, to love and care for them.
And I suppose this came to me as a wave of unexplained emotions as I made my First Connection with Baby Rhea - through her first cries.
As a c-sect delivery, I wasn’t able to see my baby immediately after my obstetrician delivered her. She announced her entrance to this world (not the safe, dark, cosy space anymore but a space of uncertainty and sensory overload) with her loud and bright cries.
/Waeeeee, Waeeeee, Waeeeee.../
Lively, rhythmic.
I cried as the docs and nurses emptied me and sewed me up again.
It’s no longer just Dodo anymore. Fears, anxieties, insecurities that I had faced during pregnancy came at me like a large tidal wave, submerging me as I struggled to resurface.
How am I to have such an open heart to love another young being as much?
How is Dodo going to cope with this transition?
It isn’t just about the presence of another being at home, but the fact that the arrival of this being means big changes for the entire family. If I doubted whether I could manage loving and caring for 2 young beings, how was a young toddler mind and heart going to process the loss of the kind of life he had before?
With the arrival of Baby Rhea, the recovery from my c-sect and getting used to the new rhythm of our lives have unfortunately reduced the amount of time our family spends musicking together. But, Dodo still sings all his favourite songs - “rain rain go away”, “five little ducks”, “five little monkeys” etc. (I wished he sang less Westernized tunes but I’m guilty for not showing him enough non-Westernized ones as they are less readily available!) He still jams away at the piano, making up sounds to accompany his singing. When he sings, he’s happy. As the saying goes, “a child who sings is a happy child” - Elder Enrique Falabella.
As a musician mama who is into sonic explorations, I also wonder how else I can use sounds, music and songs to help lil’ ones express difficult feelings - like this transition we have now with Baby Rhea in our lives.
With Baby Rhea, I observe my ‘motheresing’ again, as I talk to her, using different pitches to say her name. I’m happy to be reminded again how sounds are important in our interactions with newborn, as is rhythm as embodied through touch (e.g. skin to skin moments; babywearing; carrying)and movement (e.g. heartbeat; swaying and rocking).
Looking forward to bring my perspectives as a new mother (again) into this artistic exploration of songs and sounds.